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Fiction

After the Gunshot

By Lee Ji Myung
Translated from Korean by Shirley Lee
Lee Ji-myung depicts drug smugglers’ lives on the Sino-North Korean border.

Dark clouds were scattered low and despondent in the sky, loitering above the creeping flow of the river. As it always had, the Aprok River echoed through the deep ravine. The water was rising after a sudden, unseasonable squall, and seemed massive under the gleaming moon.

A loud gunshot sounded not far away.

At the noise, a night bird dozing in the leaves of a willow tree fluttered its wings and shot, startled, into the sky. At the same time, a young man dressed in black appeared on the riverbank, panting.

He had been hiding behind a rock, holding his breath, looking anxiously up and down the river. Now he carefully stepped out and into the water. As he looked into the depths of the river, his eyes were full of fear.

He faltered for a second. Dark shadows were advancing over the mountains he had passed, rushing down toward him. A searchlight lit up his back and a sharp voice yelled, “Don’t move!” At that instant, his hesitation vanished and he sank beneath the water and was gone.

The dark shadows shined their searchlights into the flowing water but could not see the young man.

“Shit!” The potbellied man, who seemed to be in charge, swore loudly and fired his pistol into the air. Bang! But the echo was swallowed by the loud rush of the river.

Startled by the commotion on the other side of the river, the two border guards on duty looked at each other as if they had just seen something crazy.

“What’s wrong with those bastards tonight?”

“Well, he shot his pistol, so they’re obviously not border guards.”

“You’re probably right,” said the taller of the two. “How dare those bastards shoot! Should we fire back?” As if about to fire, the taller man raised his rifle.

“Hey, are you crazy? You can’t shoot on the border.”

“Well, those bastards just fired, so why can’t we?”

“Where you gonna shoot? Into the water? Into the air? Get a grip.”

For a while, the men on the other side continued to shout. Then, as if wearied by the effort, they walked away and their voices faded. The two border guards watched them until they disappeared, and then resumed their patrol.

 *

In a cramped room near the entrance to an alley not far from the riverbank, a tall and strikingly pretty woman waited restlessly. Jang Sin-mi: tall and pretty—that was her name. She glanced up at the clock on the wall: just past 3 a.m. But she was too nervous to entertain any thought of sleep.

The small room held a tiny kitchen and a bed against the inner wall. Next to it sat a large wooden box. Apart from that, the room was bare. There were two signs habitation: a brown bag on the windowsill, and a small mirror that perhaps belonged to her.

The wall was papered to cover the mud it was made of, and some clothes hung from a nail. Blankets were folded at the end of the bed, which was Chinese, with peacock patterns. The woman was waiting for a man who should have arrived already. Kang Ki-su: a strong man—and that was his name, too.

She had heard the gunshot ring from the riverbank and its sound was still in her ears. Kang Ki-su should have returned two hours ago. At around midnight, he had crossed the river with his rucksack, as they’d agreed.

The one who was supposed to hand over the fifteen kilos of opium hasn’t made it, she thought. And then a gunshot rang out.

Of course, when he’d crossed, it wasn’t raining. The squall that came about an hour after he’d gone had really made the river rise, but he was the kind of man who’d have made the return crossing anyway. In thirty minutes, she thought, the sun will rise. Sin-mi felt like she was burning inside.

She had never imagined that waiting for someone could be this difficult. Although they weren’t married yet, theirs wasn’t just a friendship. When they’d come here to Hyesan, they’d always shared a bed. Two hot-­blooded late twentysomethings living together in a small room? All the neighbors assumed they were a couple.

Sin‐mi was miserable. She couldn’t decide whether she should go out or wait longer.

They had made a rule: don’t go outside at night. But to wait in a dark room with not even the lights on for someone who wasn’t coming—that was unbearable. Because he had to return, and the waiting constricted her chest even more. Worse, a gunshot rang out when he was supposed to have been crossing! That was no small matter! And it was now two hours since that heartrending gunshot had sounded down at the river.

A man who had not returned, and after a gunshot! Sin‐mi’s eyes were fixed on the door. Tears welled and began to fall. Something must have gone wrong. If that’s the case, she wondered, what will happen? They’d done this so many times and for so many years, but nothing like this had ever happened. And now, finally . . .

The woman’s shoulders began to shake and then, with a creak that made her start, the door opened. Sin­‐mi didn’t even wipe her eyes. She ran toward him.

Kang Ki­‐su, his strong body soaked through, looked blankly at Jang Sin-­mi and sank to the floor. Perhaps he lost consciousness. He closed his eyes and did not move at all.

“Hey?” Her tears blurring his face, Jang Sin‐mi called out in a low voice, but there was no reply. The water from his body flowed toward the furnace that warmed the room and she could hear dripping.

Jang Sin­‐mi quickly crossed to the door and bolted it tight. Then she knelt next to him and looked intently at his pale face. He was breathing. She rose, took a bottle of liquor from the cupboard in the kitchen area, opened it, and carefully poured a few drops of the drink between his lips. They moved a little, then he swallowed the liquid with a gulping noise. A few moments later, he groaned and opened his eyes. Sin­‐mi’s eyes were bright with joy.

“Just a second,” she said. “I’ll help you take your clothes off.” She took off the ripped and filthy layers one by one. When she tried to ease off the clothes between his body and the floor, he moved a little to help her. After she had taken off his underpants, she filled a basin with warm water, wet a towel, and carefully washed his body.

He was bruised in several places and there was blood, too. With a dry cloth, she wiped him dry, then strained to lift him and lay him on the bed. He fell asleep immediately. She covered him with a blanket and back by the stove, she stoked the fire. She washed each torn item of clothing, hung them on the line that stretched across the room, and then washed some rice. She put it in a pot to cook.

 *

It was a late breakfast. Finally, several hours after dawn, Kang Ki-su stirred and moved to sit at the low table in the middle of the room. His eyes were still dull with exhaustion. Sin-­mi brought the bottle of liquor to the table and poured him a shot.

“You have one too,” he said.

“Not too much. I’m just happy to pour you one.”

She got another glass and put it down. This time, Kang Ki-­su poured.

“That’s fine, just half.” 

*

As Sin-­mi touched the bottle, she smiled widely. In the daylight, she was so pretty. You could see no blemish, and her face was that of a beauty. Her clear skin: he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was a face that he knew he’d never tire of, and when she scowled at him he smiled sheepishly and looked away.

“Go on, have a glass,” he said. She touched the glass. “Yes.”

She looked at the man as he drank again, took a sip herself, and put the glass back down. It was a strong liquor and she felt fire in her throat as it went down, even though she had taken only a small sip.

“So, the cash didn’t get soaked,” she said.

“How could I get it wet? It’s worth my life.” He grinned. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Were you worried that I might die?”

“I thought it was I who was dying, because my heart was getting so tight.” Sin­‐mi scowled again.

“How could I die when a beautiful girl like you is waiting for me? Doesn’t make sense.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course. Whether I mean it or not, though, that’s the important thing. I mean, to have a girl waiting.” He chuckled. “That’s the source of a man’s strength.”

“I’d wait for you forever. But . . .”

“Yes?” Kang looked up at Sin‐mi as he put a large spoon of chicken and tofu stew in his mouth.

“What was that . . . gunshot?”

“Ah—dunno how they found out. They cornered me and almost got me. How did they know?”

“They cornered you?” Her eyes widened.

“I think this is over. Until we find another way.”

 Kang raised his glass. He shook the last drops into his mouth. Sin-­mi said, “Tell me what happened.”

“Let me eat, I’m starving.”

She pushed the plate across the table. “Sorry. Here, eat this. Don’t have too much to drink.”

Sin-­mi looked at him and smiled. He had braved death. If death’s thick shadow closed in on him, and if he could evade it because of a girl longingly waiting for him, she would do the waiting—even if it were for all of her life. He had made it clear that it mattered. Sin-­mi wanted to imprint that on her memory. 

*

She wished that what he had said was a promise, and that he would keep it for her. She knew they couldn’t live like this forever. She did not want to be a drop in the swelling wave of this strange time.

Wherever it was to be, she wanted one day to have a safe and cozy place where she could hold her head up and live with the man she loved. Sin‐mi loathed this life. Kang had said it was over, and she wished it were. She wanted Kang to understand this.

“That was delicious. Sin‐mi, you’re a good cook.” “It was that good?”

“Of course. I mean no one would refuse food, but hey. It was good. Here’s a kiss.”

His lips still had soup on them but he pressed them to her white cheeks and kissed her twice.

“I don’t know how you can be so happy after what happened last night.” “Huh. What’s the point in thinking about it? Anyway, it was bad last night. I delivered the goods and got the money and had it in my bag. They asked me to stay for a drink so I agreed. Then . . .”

He interrupted himself by putting a cigarette in his mouth. Sin-­mi quickly lit it for him. He sucked the smoke in deeply and then exhaled. He shivered. Then he continued to speak.

“Actually, you can’t drink when you have the money on you. And besides, even if they are Koreans like us, they’ve lived among the Chinese. How can you really trust them? So I said I was going to the bathroom and sneaked out the back door. Then you know what I heard in the dark? A pebble, rolling down the steep hill.

“My mind was on high alert and I had a sudden hunch. Run. If I get caught, that’s it. So I just ran madly toward the river. Maybe they saw me, and they even fired a shot as they chased me.” He laughed. “But I came back to you.”

Sin­‐mi put her hand on the back of his neck, and pulled him toward her. She rubbed her soft cheek against his stubble. Tears dripped from her eyes. Kang leaned toward her and whispered into her ear.

“Do you know what I was thinking when I jumped into that dark water?” “What?”

“When I was underwater, Sin­‐mi, you appeared and laughed and called out to me. Then I had to focus. Maybe if I hadn’t, I would have . . .”

He was afraid, and he held her more tightly.

© Lee Ji Myung. By arrangement with the author. Translation © 2013 by Shirley Lee. All rights reserved.

English Korean (Original)

Dark clouds were scattered low and despondent in the sky, loitering above the creeping flow of the river. As it always had, the Aprok River echoed through the deep ravine. The water was rising after a sudden, unseasonable squall, and seemed massive under the gleaming moon.

A loud gunshot sounded not far away.

At the noise, a night bird dozing in the leaves of a willow tree fluttered its wings and shot, startled, into the sky. At the same time, a young man dressed in black appeared on the riverbank, panting.

He had been hiding behind a rock, holding his breath, looking anxiously up and down the river. Now he carefully stepped out and into the water. As he looked into the depths of the river, his eyes were full of fear.

He faltered for a second. Dark shadows were advancing over the mountains he had passed, rushing down toward him. A searchlight lit up his back and a sharp voice yelled, “Don’t move!” At that instant, his hesitation vanished and he sank beneath the water and was gone.

The dark shadows shined their searchlights into the flowing water but could not see the young man.

“Shit!” The potbellied man, who seemed to be in charge, swore loudly and fired his pistol into the air. Bang! But the echo was swallowed by the loud rush of the river.

Startled by the commotion on the other side of the river, the two border guards on duty looked at each other as if they had just seen something crazy.

“What’s wrong with those bastards tonight?”

“Well, he shot his pistol, so they’re obviously not border guards.”

“You’re probably right,” said the taller of the two. “How dare those bastards shoot! Should we fire back?” As if about to fire, the taller man raised his rifle.

“Hey, are you crazy? You can’t shoot on the border.”

“Well, those bastards just fired, so why can’t we?”

“Where you gonna shoot? Into the water? Into the air? Get a grip.”

For a while, the men on the other side continued to shout. Then, as if wearied by the effort, they walked away and their voices faded. The two border guards watched them until they disappeared, and then resumed their patrol.

 *

In a cramped room near the entrance to an alley not far from the riverbank, a tall and strikingly pretty woman waited restlessly. Jang Sin-mi: tall and pretty—that was her name. She glanced up at the clock on the wall: just past 3 a.m. But she was too nervous to entertain any thought of sleep.

The small room held a tiny kitchen and a bed against the inner wall. Next to it sat a large wooden box. Apart from that, the room was bare. There were two signs habitation: a brown bag on the windowsill, and a small mirror that perhaps belonged to her.

The wall was papered to cover the mud it was made of, and some clothes hung from a nail. Blankets were folded at the end of the bed, which was Chinese, with peacock patterns. The woman was waiting for a man who should have arrived already. Kang Ki-su: a strong man—and that was his name, too.

She had heard the gunshot ring from the riverbank and its sound was still in her ears. Kang Ki-su should have returned two hours ago. At around midnight, he had crossed the river with his rucksack, as they’d agreed.

The one who was supposed to hand over the fifteen kilos of opium hasn’t made it, she thought. And then a gunshot rang out.

Of course, when he’d crossed, it wasn’t raining. The squall that came about an hour after he’d gone had really made the river rise, but he was the kind of man who’d have made the return crossing anyway. In thirty minutes, she thought, the sun will rise. Sin-mi felt like she was burning inside.

She had never imagined that waiting for someone could be this difficult. Although they weren’t married yet, theirs wasn’t just a friendship. When they’d come here to Hyesan, they’d always shared a bed. Two hot-­blooded late twentysomethings living together in a small room? All the neighbors assumed they were a couple.

Sin‐mi was miserable. She couldn’t decide whether she should go out or wait longer.

They had made a rule: don’t go outside at night. But to wait in a dark room with not even the lights on for someone who wasn’t coming—that was unbearable. Because he had to return, and the waiting constricted her chest even more. Worse, a gunshot rang out when he was supposed to have been crossing! That was no small matter! And it was now two hours since that heartrending gunshot had sounded down at the river.

A man who had not returned, and after a gunshot! Sin‐mi’s eyes were fixed on the door. Tears welled and began to fall. Something must have gone wrong. If that’s the case, she wondered, what will happen? They’d done this so many times and for so many years, but nothing like this had ever happened. And now, finally . . .

The woman’s shoulders began to shake and then, with a creak that made her start, the door opened. Sin­‐mi didn’t even wipe her eyes. She ran toward him.

Kang Ki­‐su, his strong body soaked through, looked blankly at Jang Sin-­mi and sank to the floor. Perhaps he lost consciousness. He closed his eyes and did not move at all.

“Hey?” Her tears blurring his face, Jang Sin‐mi called out in a low voice, but there was no reply. The water from his body flowed toward the furnace that warmed the room and she could hear dripping.

Jang Sin­‐mi quickly crossed to the door and bolted it tight. Then she knelt next to him and looked intently at his pale face. He was breathing. She rose, took a bottle of liquor from the cupboard in the kitchen area, opened it, and carefully poured a few drops of the drink between his lips. They moved a little, then he swallowed the liquid with a gulping noise. A few moments later, he groaned and opened his eyes. Sin­‐mi’s eyes were bright with joy.

“Just a second,” she said. “I’ll help you take your clothes off.” She took off the ripped and filthy layers one by one. When she tried to ease off the clothes between his body and the floor, he moved a little to help her. After she had taken off his underpants, she filled a basin with warm water, wet a towel, and carefully washed his body.

He was bruised in several places and there was blood, too. With a dry cloth, she wiped him dry, then strained to lift him and lay him on the bed. He fell asleep immediately. She covered him with a blanket and back by the stove, she stoked the fire. She washed each torn item of clothing, hung them on the line that stretched across the room, and then washed some rice. She put it in a pot to cook.

 *

It was a late breakfast. Finally, several hours after dawn, Kang Ki-su stirred and moved to sit at the low table in the middle of the room. His eyes were still dull with exhaustion. Sin-­mi brought the bottle of liquor to the table and poured him a shot.

“You have one too,” he said.

“Not too much. I’m just happy to pour you one.”

She got another glass and put it down. This time, Kang Ki-­su poured.

“That’s fine, just half.” 

*

As Sin-­mi touched the bottle, she smiled widely. In the daylight, she was so pretty. You could see no blemish, and her face was that of a beauty. Her clear skin: he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was a face that he knew he’d never tire of, and when she scowled at him he smiled sheepishly and looked away.

“Go on, have a glass,” he said. She touched the glass. “Yes.”

She looked at the man as he drank again, took a sip herself, and put the glass back down. It was a strong liquor and she felt fire in her throat as it went down, even though she had taken only a small sip.

“So, the cash didn’t get soaked,” she said.

“How could I get it wet? It’s worth my life.” He grinned. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Were you worried that I might die?”

“I thought it was I who was dying, because my heart was getting so tight.” Sin­‐mi scowled again.

“How could I die when a beautiful girl like you is waiting for me? Doesn’t make sense.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course. Whether I mean it or not, though, that’s the important thing. I mean, to have a girl waiting.” He chuckled. “That’s the source of a man’s strength.”

“I’d wait for you forever. But . . .”

“Yes?” Kang looked up at Sin‐mi as he put a large spoon of chicken and tofu stew in his mouth.

“What was that . . . gunshot?”

“Ah—dunno how they found out. They cornered me and almost got me. How did they know?”

“They cornered you?” Her eyes widened.

“I think this is over. Until we find another way.”

 Kang raised his glass. He shook the last drops into his mouth. Sin-­mi said, “Tell me what happened.”

“Let me eat, I’m starving.”

She pushed the plate across the table. “Sorry. Here, eat this. Don’t have too much to drink.”

Sin-­mi looked at him and smiled. He had braved death. If death’s thick shadow closed in on him, and if he could evade it because of a girl longingly waiting for him, she would do the waiting—even if it were for all of her life. He had made it clear that it mattered. Sin-­mi wanted to imprint that on her memory. 

*

She wished that what he had said was a promise, and that he would keep it for her. She knew they couldn’t live like this forever. She did not want to be a drop in the swelling wave of this strange time.

Wherever it was to be, she wanted one day to have a safe and cozy place where she could hold her head up and live with the man she loved. Sin‐mi loathed this life. Kang had said it was over, and she wished it were. She wanted Kang to understand this.

“That was delicious. Sin‐mi, you’re a good cook.” “It was that good?”

“Of course. I mean no one would refuse food, but hey. It was good. Here’s a kiss.”

His lips still had soup on them but he pressed them to her white cheeks and kissed her twice.

“I don’t know how you can be so happy after what happened last night.” “Huh. What’s the point in thinking about it? Anyway, it was bad last night. I delivered the goods and got the money and had it in my bag. They asked me to stay for a drink so I agreed. Then . . .”

He interrupted himself by putting a cigarette in his mouth. Sin-­mi quickly lit it for him. He sucked the smoke in deeply and then exhaled. He shivered. Then he continued to speak.

“Actually, you can’t drink when you have the money on you. And besides, even if they are Koreans like us, they’ve lived among the Chinese. How can you really trust them? So I said I was going to the bathroom and sneaked out the back door. Then you know what I heard in the dark? A pebble, rolling down the steep hill.

“My mind was on high alert and I had a sudden hunch. Run. If I get caught, that’s it. So I just ran madly toward the river. Maybe they saw me, and they even fired a shot as they chased me.” He laughed. “But I came back to you.”

Sin­‐mi put her hand on the back of his neck, and pulled him toward her. She rubbed her soft cheek against his stubble. Tears dripped from her eyes. Kang leaned toward her and whispered into her ear.

“Do you know what I was thinking when I jumped into that dark water?” “What?”

“When I was underwater, Sin­‐mi, you appeared and laughed and called out to me. Then I had to focus. Maybe if I hadn’t, I would have . . .”

He was afraid, and he held her more tightly.

© Lee Ji Myung. By arrangement with the author. Translation © 2013 by Shirley Lee. All rights reserved.

총성의 울린 뒤

초연이 뒤덮인 듯 낮게 드리운 검은 구름장이 어지럽게 흩어지며 굼실대며 흐르는 강물 위를 능글맞게 배회하고 있었다. 예나 지금이나 변함없이 천혜의 깊은 골로 소리치고 화답하며 흘러가는 압록강이다. 철모르고 내린 봄 소나기에 쉴 틈 없이 불어난 강물이어서 희뿌연 밤빛에 드러난 물량은 엄청나 보였다.그리 멀지 않은 곳에서 총소리가 요란하게 울렸다

 

 

.총소리에 강변 버드나무 입새에 머리를 틀어박고 졸던 밤새 한 마리가 푸드득 날개를 치며 하늘로 날아올랐다.새가 난 때를 거의 같이하여 검은 옷차림을 한 사내가 숨을 헐떡거리며 강기슭에 나타났다.

 

 

잠시 동안 큰 바위 뒤에 숨어 숨을 고르며 이쪽을 뚫어져라 감시하던 사내는 조심조심 강물 속으로 들어섰다.사품치며 흐르는 강 중심을 바라보는 사내의 눈에 두려움이 가득 실린다.

 

 

주춤하는 그때 사내가 넘어온 산 경사면으로 땅을 차며 다급히 뛰어 내려오는 검은 그림자들이 있었다.사내의 등줄기에 강한 전지불이 비쳐짐과 동시에 앙칼진 목소리가 뒤따랐다.”빼둥!” (움직이지 말라)찰나, 사내는 조금도 주저함 없이 첨벙, 물속으로 빠져 들어갔다.

 

 

검은 그림자들은 흘러가는 물살을 따라 저마다 전지 불을 비쳐댔지만 사내의 모습은 찾아볼 수 없었다.”타마디!” 일행의 책임자인 듯한 배불뚝이 사내가 거친 욕을 퍼부어 대며 공중에 대고 손에 들고 있던 권총을 발사했다.”땅!”그러나 그에 화답하는 것은 요란스럽게 흘러가는 물소리뿐이다

 

 

강 건너편 소란에 강 이쪽에서 보초를 서던 국경 경비대원 둘이 서로 마주보며 별 미친놈을 다 보겠다는 듯 중얼거렸다.”저 자식들 오늘 밤 왜 저래””총까지 쏴대는걸 보면 변방대 애들은 아닌데…?””글쎄 말이야, 콱, 새끼들 어디서 총질이야. 여, 우리도 한 탄창 풀어?”금방 쏘기라도 할 듯 키 큰 대원이 자동소총을 앞으로 쓱 당겼다

 

 

.”여. 정신 나갔어? 국경에서 총을 쏘다니.””저 새끼들 쏘는데 우리라고 왜 못 쏴?””어디다 대구 쏘겠어. 물에다? 아니면 공중에… 실없는 소리말구 잠자코 있어”강 저쪽 무리들은 한참 뭐라고 이쪽에다 대고 소리를 지르더니 제풀에 맥이 빠진 듯 웅성거리며 이내 산자락을 타고 가버렸다. 그 모양을 뚫어지게 지켜보던 두 순찰 대원은 그들이 사라지자 다시 강을 따라 걸어갔다.날이 밝아올 무렵,

 

 

강 뚝 에서 얼마 멀지 않은 골목길 어귀에 붙어 있는 자그마한 집 방안에서 장신미는 초조한 모습으로 누군가를 기다리고 있었다.벽에 걸린 시계는 새벽 세시를 넘기고 있었지만 그때까지도 여자는 잠자리에 들지 않고 안절부절 하고 있었다.

 

 

부엌이 딸린 자그마한 방안 안쪽 벽에 침대 하나가 놓여 있고 그 옆에 나무로 짠 큼직한 궤짝이 놓인 것이 방안 살림의 전부였다. 더 있다면 창문턱 위에 그녀의 것으로 보이는 밤색 가방과 작은 거울이 놓여 있고 종이를 바른 흙벽에 못을 박아 만든 옷걸이에 몇 벌의 옷이 걸렸다. 중국산 공작새 무늬를 새긴 침대보를 깔아놓은 침대 위엔 이불 한 채가 규모 있게 포개져 있다.지금 장신미는 이미 들어와야 할 강기수가 오지 않아 기다리고 있는 중이었다.

 

 

간밤, 강가에서 울린 총성이 도무지 귀에서 사라지지 않는다. 이미 2시간 전에 응당 되돌아 왔어야 할 강기수다. 지난밤 자정 무렵 강기수는 약속대로 배낭을 짊어지고 강을 건너갔다. 열다섯 덩이의 아편(15kg)을 넘겨주고 와야 할 사람은 오지 않고 대신 총소리가 울렸다.

 

 

물론 넘어갈 때까지만 해도 비는 오지 않았다.그가 넘어 간지 약 한 시간 후 억수로 쏟아지는 소낙비 때문에 강물은 급속도로 불어났지만 그만한 물 때문에 건너오지 못 할 사람은 아니었다. 이제 30분만 지나면 날이 밝는다. 신미는 속이 바질바질 타들어 갔다.

 

 

사람을 기다리는 것이 이렇게 힘든 줄 미처 경험해 보지 못했다. 아직 결혼은 안 했지만 둘 사이는 범상한 관계가 아니었다. 이 곳 혜산에 오면 둘은 항상 잠자리를 같이 했다. 좁은 방안에서 20대 후반의 피 끓는 두 남녀가 함께 생활하는 것을 보고 주변 사람들은 그들을 부부로 생각했다. 밖으로 나가볼까 그냥 더 기다려 볼까 망설이는 장신미의 초조한 모습이 몹시 안쓰럽게 보였다.

 

 

그들 두 사람 사이에 정한 규정이 있어 아닌 밤중에 밖에 나가 서성대는 일은 없어야 했다. 불도 켜지 않은 깜깜한 방안에서 오지 않는 사람을 기다리기란 참으로 지겹운 일이 아닐 수 없다. 반드시 돌아와야 할 사람이기에 그 기다림은 더더욱 가슴 졸이는 것이기도 했다. 하물며 넘어올 그 시간에 총성까지 울렸으니, 심상찮은 일이었다.가슴 찢는 총성이 울린 지도 두 시간이 지났다.

 

 

그럼에도 오지 않는 사람. 어둠속에서 안타까이 출입문 쪽만 바라보는 신미의 눈에 눈물이 가득 고이더니 이내 방울방울 떨어진다. 분명 일이 잘못된 듯싶다. 만약 그렇다면 어찌된단 말인가. 이런 일을 몇 년 동안 해왔지만 오늘 같은 일은 없었다.결국 이제는… 흑흑 여자의 어깨가 물결치기 시작했다.바로 그때 삐그덕 소리와 함께 출입문이 열렸다. 신미는 눈물을 닦을 사이도 없이 한 달음에 달려 나왔다.

 

 

온 몸이 물주머니가 된 강기수가 맥 빠진 눈으로 멀거니 눈물 진 장신미의 얼굴을 바라보더니 힘없이 그 자리에 주저앉았다. 그리고는 방바닥 윗목으로 길게 누워 버렸다. 정신을 잃었는지 눈을 감아버린 강기수는 조금도 움직이지 않았다 “오빠.”나직이 장신미가 눈물 젖은 목소리로 불렀으나 강기수는 대답이 없다. 몸에서 떨어지는 물이 방바닥을 흘러 아궁이 쪽으로 뚝 뚝 소리를 내며 떨어지고 있었다.

 

 

급히 출입문으로 다가간 장 신미는 문고리를 단단히 걸어 잠그고 다시 강기수에게로 조심스럽게 다가와 그의 안색을 살폈다. 숨은 쉬고 있다. 부엌 찬장에서 술병을 들고 온 신미는 병마개를 따 강기수의 입 속에 술을 조심스럽게 부어 넣었다.사내는 입을 우물거리더니 꿀꺽 소리를 내며 삼켰다. 잠시 후 사내는 으응 소리를 내더니 눈을 떴다. 신미의 얼굴에 금세 기쁨이 넘쳐흘렀다

 

 

.”오빠. 잠시만, 젖은 옷 벗겨 줄께.”신미는 더러워 질대로 더러워지고 군데군데 찢겨져 너덜거리는 강기수의 옷을 하나하나 벗겨 나갔다. 방바닥에 닿은 부분을 벗길 때마다 강기수는 조금씩 몸을 움직여 주었다. 팬티까지 다 벗겨낸 후 장신미는 따뜻한 물을 세숫대야에 떠와 수건을 적셔 강기수의 몸을 조심스레 닦아 냈다.

 

 

몸 여러 군데가 멍이 들고 상처가 나 피가 엉겨 붙어 있었다. 마른 수건으로 다시 물기를 닦아 낸 다음 신미는 그를 부축하여 방안 침대에 눕혔다. 침대에 누운지 얼마 안 돼 강기수는 곧 잠이 들었다. 이불을 꺼내 그를 덮어주고 부엌으로 다시 내려온 신미는 우선 아궁이에 불부터 지폈다. 벗겨낸 옷을 모두 빨아 빨랫줄에 걸어 놓은 후 쌀을 씻어 솥에 앉혔다.

 

늦은 아침상이다. 오전 열시 쯤 되어서야 푸시시 일어나 차려놓은 밥상머리에 다가앉은 강기수의 눈엔 아직도 피곤이 어려 있었다. 신미는 술병을 들고 들어와 잔에 따랐다.

 

“신미도 한잔 같이 하지.”

“많이는 싫어요. 동무나 해주면 되지.”

 

다시 술잔을 하나 더 가져다 놓자 강기수가 이번에는 그 잔에 술을 부었다.

“됐어요. 절반만.”

 

신 미는 술병을 잡으며 방긋 웃었다. 밝은 방안에서 본 그녀의 모습은 몹시 아름다웠다. 어디 빠진데 없이 귀하게 생긴 미인의 얼굴이다. 뽀얀 피부가 무척 인상적이었다. 아무리 들여다봐도 싫지 않은 얼굴이어서 그런지 그윽이 마주보던 강기수는 신미가 눈을 흘기자 피식 웃으며 시선을 거두었다

 

“자, 한 잔 하지.”

강기수가 잔을 들었다

“네.”

 

남자의 술 마시는 모습을 지켜보며 신미는 조금 마시고는 잔을 내려놓았다. 독한 배갈이어서 조금 마셨는데도 목구멍을 불로 지지듯 화끈한 느낌을 주며 내려간다.

“오빠, 용케도 돈은 물에 젖지 않았더군요.”

“그걸 물에 적시면 되나. 목숨이나 같은걸.”

 

강기수는 씩 웃었다.

“몸은 괜찮아요?”

“응. 어디 가서 죽을까봐 걱정했어?”

“심장이 쫄아 들어 죽는 줄 알았어요.”

 

신미는 또 눈을 흘겼다.

“신미 같은 아름다운 여자가 눈물까지 흘리며 기다려 주는데 내가 죽긴 왜 죽어. 말도 안 되지.”

“그게 정말이에요?”

“그럼. 정말이구 말구. 어쨌든 그게 중요해. 여자의 기다림 말이야. 허허. 그건 남자의 힘이거든.”

“언제까지나 기다려 줄 께요. 그런데 오빠.”

 

“응?”닭고기를 넣고 끓여놓은 두부 탕을 숟가락으로 듬뿍 떠 입에 넣으며 강기수는 신미를 바라보았다.

“총소린 뭔가요?”

“에이. 말두 말아. 하마터면 죽을 뻔 했어. 도무지 모르겠거든. 어떻게 알고 포위했는지. 휴-.”

“포위라니?”신미는 놀라운 듯 눈을 크게 뜨며 되물었다.

 

“이젠 이 일도 끝장인 것 같아, 다른 구멍을 뚫기 전엔…”

강기수는 술 한 잔을 다시 목안에 털어 넣었다.

“좀 자세히 말해 봐요.”

“좀 먹구, 배가 고파 죽겠는데.”

“미안해요. 어서 들어요. 이젠 술 그만하고.”

 

신미는 찬 그릇을 기수 앞에 밀어 놓으며 방그레 웃었다.사선을 헤치고 온 사람. 죽음의 그림자가 짙게 다가들었다가도 여인의 애타는 기다림이 그걸 물리쳐 줄 수만 있다면 자기는 평생 그렇게 기다려 주고 싶은 사람이었다. 그도 그것이 중요하다고 분명 말을 했다 신미는 그 말을 문신처럼 가슴에 영원히 새겨두고 싶었다. 

 

남 아일언중천금이라고 강기수 자신도 그 말을 끝까지 책임져 주었으면 얼마나 좋을까. 이건 여자의 바람이지 속 좁은 근심거리가 아니었다. 언제까지나 이러고만 살수는 없는 것이다.시대는 거대한 용트림을 하고 있다. 변화되는 시대의 이 용트림에 묻어 튕겨나가는 하나의 작은 침방울이 되고 싶지는 않다. 

 

어 느 구석에라도 오붓한 자기의 공간을 가지고 그 속에서 사랑하는 사람과 함께 떳떳이 살고 싶다.여자는 아기와 같은 것이다. 거친 소낙비보다는 소슬한 보슬비가 여인에게는 더 어울린다. 거친 자갈밭에 어린 아기를 눕혀놓고 흐뭇한 마음가짐을 즐길 사람은 없을 것이다. 신미에게는 이 생활이 신물이 나도록 싫었다. 강기수의 말처럼 정말 이 일도 끝이라면 얼마나 좋을까. 신미는 강기수가 애타는 자신의 마음을 조금이라도 헤아려 주었으면 했다.

 

“어, 잘 먹었다. 신미는 확실히 음식 잘해.”

“그렇게 맛있어요?”

“그럼. 하기야 뭐 지금 같은 세월에 음식 가릴 사람은 없겠지만 말이야. 수고했어. 뽀 뽀”

강기수는 국물 묻은 입술을 신미의 하얀 볼에 대고 쩍 찍는다.

“오빤. 낙천가야. 온밤 그렇게 무시무시한 일을 치르고서두… ”

 

“에이. 항상 그런 걸 자꾸 생각해선 뭘 해. 하여튼 어제 저녁엔 좀 과하기는 했어. 물건 넘겨 주구 돈 받아 허리에 차구 말이야. 자식들 한 잔 하자 하길래 마지못해 상에 마주 앉았지 뭐야. 그런데…”

 

강기수는 말하다 말고 담배를 찾아 입에 물었다. 신미가 재빨리 라이터를 켜 내밀었다. 한 모금 깊숙이 빨아 내뿜으며 강기수는 생각하기도 싫은 듯 몸을 한번 으스스 떨고는 말을 이었다.

 

“사실 돈 찬 놈 술 마시면 안 되거든. 그리구 아무리 같은 민족이라 해도 짱개 놈들 속에서 살아온 그것들을 어떻게 믿어. 그래 뒷간 좀 갔다 오겠다 하고 슬그머니 뒷문으로 빠져 나왔지. 그런데 어둠 속에서 내가 들은 소리가 뭔지 알아. 경사면에서 굴러 내리는 돌멩이 소리였어. 

 

아차, 순간적인 예감이 내 뇌리를 바짝 긴장하게 만들었어. 튀자. 뭘 볼게 있어. 잡히면 끝인데. 난 강 쪽으로 정신없이 달아났지. 때늦게야 날 봤는지 총까지 쏘아대며 좇아 왔지만 흐흐 내 이렇게 신미 앞에 다시 돌아왔어.”

 

신미는 말을 마치고 히죽 웃는 강기수의 목을 와락 끌어안았다.그리고는 그의 꺼칠한 볼에 보드라운 자기의 볼을 마구 비볐다. 눈에서는 맑은 이슬이 줄줄 흘러내린다.강기수도 그러는 신미를 꼬옥 끌어안아 주면서 그의 귓가에 대고 속살거렸다.

 

“돌멩이를 굴리며 흐르는 흙탕물에 뛰어 들 때 내 무엇을 생각했는지 알아?”

“뭘 생각했어요?”

 

“강물 속에서 신미가 나타나 웃으며 날 부르더라구. 그 순간 온갖 잡념이 싹없어졌지. 조금만 지체했어도 지금쯤은 음, 음… “강기수는 끔찍하다는 듯 말을 끊으며 더욱 힘을 주어 신미를 끌어안았다.

 

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